I knew it was about time I had a panic attack. I mean, really, the last one I had was when I saw "Knowing." That was forever ago. I'm feeling so sick to my stomach right now. I'm beginning to explore the dark corners of my mind without actually trying to do so, which is usually how the panic attacks start. What thought started it? I have no inspiration to write. One, mesely thought.
Here's how my brain continued:
If there's no inspiration, I can't finish writing.
If I can't finish writing, I can't become an author, my dream.
If I can't become an author, I'd have to find something else to do.
My back up is to be a high school teacher.
But those jobs are so hard to find and are never guaranteed.
Perhaps something with photography?
Hardly any money comes from it and jobs aren't guaranteed.
If I don't have enough money, I can't move when I'm 18.
I can't pay my bills, I can't pay for a car, I can't pay for anything.
I'd have to stay here, where I'm confined to my room.
What if I can't figure out what I want/need to do by the time I'm 18?
That's only two years away.
What college am I picking?
Where do I want to go?
Where's tucker going?
What's wrong with tucker? His leg is hurt but we can't fix it.
What is he always thinking?
Why oh why did I have to see Zach last night?
He made me sick to my core.
I wish his head could be tossed into a volcano.
I've been such a mean person lately.


What's wrong with me...?
^^^^All of that was in about two minutes, and those thoughts always end with that same question.
I'm terrified of that freaking word; If.
And I'm crying now ><
Eh...I'll find a way out.
I somehow manage...